Priorities

I notice that as I grow older, I miss the past even more. Perhaps it is because of the amount of stress and workload that I have to face everyday, it makes me want to escape to a carefree place, with nobody around telling me what to do, and have a quiet and peaceful moment alone, as I watch all the musicals and old movies that I love. At this point of time, W.B.Yeats' The Lake Isle of Innisfree relates so much to me.

With all that's happening around, I suddenly have this thought about how much our priorities have changed throughout our lives. We all have different priorities, and normally these priorities vary according to individuals and as we grow up.

I still remember back in school days (the moments I miss most!), we didn't really have that much priority. At most we only had two priorities to our family and to our studies. We were to study and obtained good grades, so we can proceed to the next level of the education system. Then we reached the point that the priorities are pretty much the same, but they carry heavier burden. If before we studied just to get admitted into a university, now we have to study to get admitted to a company, a firm or a hospital. This is the important stage because without a job, how are we going to support ourselves, and also the family. Surely we don't want to let our parents to keep on paying our loans and the bills by themselves. What's the use of being a child if you can't help your parents, right? Maybe. Haha...

Then, comes the stage in most of us where a new person appears. Yes; love, amour, cinta, ai, or whatever you choose to call it. It automatically creates a new priority. If before there's only family and studies, and friends (sorry, forgot to mention it earlier), now there's a new person in your life, that managed to make your life more meaningful than before. When this happens,some will face this some sort of a dilemma on who matters more? Of course family will always be the top priority. Friends or lover? To the guys, they have this 'bros before hos' principle, frankly, when a man loves a woman (all hail Michael Bolton! lol!) she will be the only one he cares about. And what about the girls? well, honestly, between friends and lover, majority of girls will choose the latter. It is in the nature of a lady that she likes attention and affection, and the lover gives her more of that compared to friends. And I'm talking about a committed relationship, ladies and gentlemen. Not some summer fling (Grease!) or a casual relationship, not amounting to marriage and family.

Then, as we move on, we go to work, find the perfect person, get married and blessed with beautiful children. A happy family. And so priorities change again. Now that you have another family, plus with work and friends, one can never be able to keep them all together fairly. One has to go. Let go as in not forgetting altogether, but less attention and time for them. In most cases, friends. In some cases, the parents, and in other cases, the very own family.

I might change my mind, but at the moment, family and career is my top priority. Third in line would be friends, because when I have things I can't share with my family and colleagues, it's friends that I turn to. Only they know the key and the way to tolerate my craziness, goofiness and my meltdown. What about husband? That I leave to the Almighty. It's not that I have given up on this. It's just that I know myself more than I was before. Before, most of the decisions are made based on what people want me to do. But I've come to eliminate that issue bit by bit. I know I'm not prepared, and God knows better and much earlier about that fact. Perhaps God is giving me the time and opportunity for me to discover myself, for me to completely come out from my shell, and to blossom with confidence and positivity. Only when I truly love and embrace myself, I can accept other people. Of course, past experience can be very bitter and hurtful to remember. But that is where the life lessons are. And I have this ridiculous trust issues, making it difficult for me to get to know a new person.

So, right now, work and education is all that matters. I want to settle my study loans, my car loan, and lessen the financial burden of my family. And when I've achieved that, I want to fly further overseas, to see the world, and to further my studies. Why? Because I do not want to be a lawyer. I have a different passion, and I want to try and see how far I can take this passion of mine and make a living out of it. All this sounds so ideal to be a reality, but it doesn't hurt to dream. I hope at least I get one dream achieved; to repay my mother and my father for all the sacrifices they've made for me and to see my siblings have a successful, blessed life.